Not okay,

I feel like when I drink I talk way too fucking much.
It's time to just stick the good drugs. Relax, take the vibes in.
I can't stand myself drinking, it's gross. I'm gross. Fuck.
I guess I haven't cared as much because i'm about to leave, but i feel unreal right now.
I feel like i want to drift away from everybody but you. I want to get so close to you, but i can't because you're here and I'll be there. Alone. Things happen. I just want something I can't have. as always. I want to know you sober. I'm not that awful, am I?

all i know is that i don't know. i don't completely know anything but the fact that someone to be close to would complete me in every aspect.
the most i've ever felt content and happy is when i was in love.
take me there.
sorry,sorry,sorry.
(I'm not really like this) right?