as of lately;

Lately i've been feeling like it's the end of the rope. The beads fell off the string. I fell off the fence and the cat didn't land on it's feet.
It's hard to figure out what you want when you really don't know. I can't figure out why I feel like this.
It felt so good to finally re-connect with such a nice person. I feel like santa barbara is small and I'm just not meeting the right people. I want to meet people who aren't into photography, who aren't superficial snobs and people who will talk and I can listen and vice versa. I am so tired of short, shallow conversations that have no substance at all. I'm ready to talk, to share dreams and aspirations, to go places and experience the world. I don't care if it's with the love of my life, or my best friend. Or somebody I just met. As long as they're in it with me, nothing else matters. I feel happy I've reconnected with an old friend. It bums me out that she's only an hour and a half away and It's taken me nearly nine months to embrace the situation. I will be making more frequent trips to Los Angeles/Santa Monica and hopefully Kelly will come visit here. It's fun, and it's nice to know someone as genuine as yourself. I'm just so excited about this friendship and I feel a little ridiculous about it, but I think I found something I've been lacking-- A person to talk to.
I'm tired of feeling like two different people.
I want to be happy, careful, gracious me. I miss it, and I miss embracing everything in life to it's fullest.
Oh, the flowers are blooming and the clouds are clearing up. We'll see how long this lasts.

We'll see, We'll see..