I guess

I guess I'm not really sorry if you've grown to dislike me or think i'm only worth ignoring. Sometimes, although I don't want to believe it; I wish I could just shut myself off too. If only it were an ideal world and I could control my mind (and sometimes my mouth) from seeing and saying these things that are irrelevant and unimportant.
As for self control in other areas, i am doing pretty okay I would say. I haven't been spending money like I really wish I could. It's so hard to see everybody get the things they want and I can barely afford to get gas.

as the days go by , i continue to feel myself grow further and further apart from the people I love the most. It's as if distance is too much for a friendship to keep. Everything I've ever loved has always been so far away from me. You think this would be one more easy thing for my brain to adapt to and easily become as happy as it all should be. I guess I can't see myself getting happier in my friendships. It's hard to be happier and stay in touch when you're the only person who really seems to make an effort.

I can't worry about these things. I'm so inspired, worrying only makes me lose inspiration.